Band of Brothers Mental Health Podcast

Cutting Off to Grow

• Solomon • Season 1 • Episode 2

Share episode

Send us a text

Mental wellness begins with pruning our inner garden. Before we can create healthy boundaries with others, we must first address the negative thought patterns that lead us into relationships that don't serve us.

The Band of Brothers Mental Health Podcast tackles this crucial concept in our latest episode, "Is Your Cutoff Game Strong?" Host Solomon challenges the common understanding of "cutting people off" by suggesting a more profound approach: identifying and eliminating the internal thought patterns that attract harmful relationships in the first place. Using the powerful metaphor of gardening, Solomon explains how negative thoughts act as weeds, slowly choking our mental and emotional growth until we hardly notice the damage being done.

Through personal insights and a thoughtful analysis of a scene from Issa Rae's "Insecure," the episode explores how self-awareness about our mental health needs can guide healthier relationship choices. This is especially crucial for Black trans men, who face alarmingly high rates of suicidal ideation – 60% among young Black transmasculine folks according to the Trevor Project. The podcast exists precisely because these statistics demand specialized mental health resources for this community.

The episode offers practical guidance for distinguishing between cutting people off from a place of pride versus doing so from a place of growth. By understanding our mental health triggers and cultivating self-awareness, we can create space for positive thoughts and nurturing relationships that support our journey toward Black trans joy and wellbeing. Ready to strengthen your cutoff game from the inside out? Listen now and join us in cultivating mental wellness that begins with tending to your internal garden.

Support the show

Solomon:

Welcome to the Band of Brothers Mental Health Podcast, where the focus is Black trans masc and trans men mental health and well-being. And Black trans joy. The podcast will be a mix of solo episodes focused on improving mental health and well-being, interviews with Black transmasc and trans men sharing their mental health journey, tips for improved mental health and current mental health struggles, and with other mental health professionals and therapists training in gender-affirming mental health care. I started this podcast because 60% of young Black trans men consider suicide, according to a research study by the Trevor Project, and 45% of Black trans men consider suicide, according to a study conducted by the Williams Institute. When I'm questioned or receive pushback for focusing on just Black trans men, I cite these two statistics. The podcast will also talk about the importance of creating a Band of Brothers peer support group to foster mental health and well-being through social support for Black transmasc trans men and what that would look like. So join me in bettering our collective mental health and well-being as Black transmasc trans men. The podcast encourages getting gender affirming professional mental health care from a licensed gender affirming mental health therapist and participating in peer support groups like Band of Brothers. The podcast does not provide mental health care nor diagnosis. The podcast does not condone ostracizing or isolating those who are diagnosed and or suffer from any form of mental health conditions. The podcast strives to be a safe and healing space. The podcast is educational and provides tips and resources to improve mental health and wellness. The topics the podcast covers may be triggering. Therefore listen at your own discretion. If you are suicidal or suffer from suicidal ideation, you can call Trans Lifeline 877-565-8860, blackline 800-604-5841. You can text Thrive Lifeline at 313-662-8209 or the Trevor Project 866-488-7396.

Solomon:

Welcome to the Band of Brothers Mental Health Podcast. This is episode two and I am your host, solomon. Our topic for today is is your cutoff game strong? When we're thinking about cutoff, we're usually thinking about cutting people, places and things that don't serve us, and that is part of the cutoff game. But another part of the cutoff game that is not readily discussed is cutting off the mental and emotional thoughts and triggers that cause us to spiral mentally, ie negative thoughts, thoughts of that I can never get better. I will always struggle with my mental health. I can't overcome my mental health or my mental health diagnosis means that I cannot live a fulfilling life. These are negative thoughts that need to be cut off. These are negative thoughts that need to be cut off for us to improve our mental health and well-being. But in cutting things off, you also need to replace it with positive thoughts that, yes, I do have a mental health diagnosis and it is a challenge, but that does not mean that I cannot grow, I cannot love, I cannot be in healthy relationships, that I cannot love myself. Yes, I might be suffering from depression or anxiety because of a relationship that did not serve me, but that does not mean that there was something wrong with me or something wrong with them. It just means that I need to think about what caused me to get into that situation and correct that mentally.

Solomon:

A lot of times we have to think about what it was that caused us to get into a relationship that caused us to mentally spiral. Sometimes it's not the other person, because we choose to be in these relationships. So you have to go back and think about okay, if I don't want that type of relationship again, what do I have to cut off within myself so I won't attract that which did not serve me, which caused me stress mentally, which caused me to spiral, which caused me to exacerbate my already delicate mental health situation. I remember in watching Issa Rae's Insecure and there was a gentleman there, issa's boyfriend, who was the barber I can't remember his name but he was the barber and Issa was considering getting back with him and he told her you know, I can't get back with you in so many words because it's not good for my mental health. Okay, and it took a lot of courage for him to be able to cut off a relationship that was important to him.

Solomon:

But he also understood because of where Issa was at, because Issa was teetering a lot and because of that instability in her it was causing him to be insecure about himself, which is exacerbating his mental health diagnosis of being bipolar and if you know, I'm not a mental health therapist or professional, but folks with bipolar already have an issue with extremes in their behavior, extreme highs and extreme lows. So he's already dealing with that within himself and he realizes that what's within him is reflecting that on the outside. So he can't be in a relationship with her because he needs someone that's more stable. You know we both. You know she can't be teetering in and out and he can't be teetering out in and out himself. So he knew that he needed a partner who was a lot more stable and knew what they wanted. And that was a thing of he didn't cut her off because he didn't love her or he didn't cut her off because it was anything that she did. He cut her off because he knew what he needed. He knew his diagnosis, he knew what he needed in the relationship and what he needed to continue on in his mental health and wellness. And that's what we're talking about.

Solomon:

You know, a lot of times we're talking about oh, you know, we're going to cut this person off and cut that person off. And my cutout game is strong. Well, a lot of times you wouldn't have to cut folks off If we were aware of our own mental state, our own poor mental health, thoughts and triggers. If we knew, if we could cut that off within ourselves, internally, then we wouldn't have to cut off others because we wouldn't allow ourselves or put ourselves in a position with people for that to happen. So that's what I'm saying.

Solomon:

So your cutoff game has to be strong within yourself as well, and when you cut off, all it is is pruning. Okay, you know, there are situations where we don't know any better. We get caught up in relationships and then we find out when I'm in a health journey, as we grow and we strengthen, okay, we need to cut that off. Okay. But we also have to ask ourselves because it wasn't all them we chose that relationship and being responsible for our own mental health, and how we drew that person in and we got locked in with them. Okay, because of our own poor, our own poor mental health models and thoughts, you know. So we have to look at ourselves and say, okay, what part did I play in that? And if I don't want to attract that again, where do I have to cut off within myself so I don't attract that? And that's what I'm talking about.

Solomon:

Talking about as far as your cutoff game being strong, again, we cut off thoughts that are no longer serving us so we can grow mentally and emotionally. We cut off relationships because those relationships are repeating our mental and emotional growth. A lot of times we have to cut off our thoughts and cut off relationships so we can grow. You'll find out that your mental thoughts are hindering your growth mentally and emotionally. Thoughts is hindering your growth mentally and emotionally. You find out that certain relationships are stifling the growth mentally and emotionally. It's like your thoughts and the people around you are like they can be weeds or things to help you grow. You know, when you have negative mental thoughts, negative people around you, that's affecting your mental and emotional health. You know, sometimes you have to. You know, remove the weeds so you can grow. You have to cut off the weeds so the fruit of your mental and emotional health can grow. A lot of times our own mental health and emotional well-being is stunted because the negative thoughts and the people around us are weeds, choking, choking the life out of us, or choking sometimes, not even choking the life, but just choking us little by little, just taking a little bit of our mental health and well-being, to the point that, over time, you have't realized that the weeds around you have begun to hinder your mental health and emotional growth. So you want to be able to cut off those weeds so the fruit of your mental health and well-being can grow. So, therefore, food for thought, and I'm going to leave you with this, which is also my final thoughts.

Solomon:

You're caught off-grid games. The first has to be strong within you. You have to cut off the mental thoughts and the mental models that's impeding your growth. If you can do that, you can prevent being in relationships that hinder your mental health and well-being, that hinder your mental health and well-being. So if you can start to cut off within you first, you won't have to cut off relationships that don't serve you because you won't get into those relationships in the beginning. But let's just say that you are healthy and whole and that you happen to give somebody a chance, give a friendship a chance, give a relationship a chance, and you're finding out down the road that it's not good for your mental health and well-being, that you're not growing mentally whole or more whole with that person.

Solomon:

Then you cut it off. Then you cut it off, but you don't cut it off out of malice or out of arrogance or pride. You simply cut it off because you know that you can't grow in that relationship, whether it's business relationships, family relationships, romantic relationships, just friendships. Sometimes you just can't grow with that person. There's nothing wrong with that.

Solomon:

But in order for you to be able to understand that, you have to understand where you are mentally, emotionally and where you're trying to go. It first starts with you and where you're trying to go. It first starts with you. You have to understand your mental health yourself. You got to understand your mental health triggers. You have to understand yourself in order to be able to attract healthy relationships or to cut off relationships that, down the road, may turn out to be not as healthy as you thought. So when you think about having a good cutoff game, it starts within you.

Solomon:

You know, again, cutting off negative thoughts, negative talk, eliminating the negative thoughts or negative talk, eliminating the negative thoughts, which are weeds that's choking you and your mental health and well-being. And cutting off relationships that are not in alignment with your mental health and well-being. Again, not because of arrogance or because you're better, simply because you want to grow. You know that negative mental thoughts is going to impede your growth, so you cut them off. You know that being in particular relationships is impeding your growth and hindering you mentally and emotionally and affecting your health. And you're saying you know I'm going to cut that off because I want to continue to grow. Okay, so the focus of having a good cutoff game is for you to grow, for you to get better, for you to make room for healthier mental thoughts and make room for good and healthy relationships. My name is Solomon and thank you for listening to the Band of Brothers Mental Health Podcast. Walking with you in mental health and wellness.